You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
