there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
