something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
