you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
