i would punch a child for taco bell
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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