I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
