Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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