So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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