As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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