Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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