I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
