Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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