were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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