So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
