You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
