You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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