i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
