I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
