I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
