We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
