I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
