You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
