i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
