wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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