You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
