Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
