and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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