Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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