its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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