By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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