I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
