Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
