You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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