; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
