She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's shark week go big or go home
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
