This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
