I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
