White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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