So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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