I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
