Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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