when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sex in a hospital.. check
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
