pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was CRYING into my vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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