oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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