so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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