I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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