Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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