I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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