lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
