Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
