You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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