Your dad touched me again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
